Misfit Mondays
Misfit Mondays
Fuck Ego
Today, we ask who the fuck do you think you are? No, really? Stop waging war on yourself and others with your need to compare. Give your inner diva a night off and take a playdate with your inner child. This episode kicks off a trilogy of episodes that ask us to fuck convention. Step back from the way things have always been done and find a new path that allows you to discover your authenticity.
Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth
Audre Lorde - A Burst of Light
India.Arie - I Am Light
Lady Charmaine, are you sure this Shadow Work is light work? It looks questionable to me.
Lady Charmaine:It's fine Mx Zephy.
Mx Zephy:But what about toxic light work?
Lady Charmaine:Uggh, just grab a warm beverage and settle in.
Mx Zephy:End scene, just misfits!
Lady Charmaine:Hello beautiful misfits! Are you fed up with the good vibes only crowd?
Mx Zephy:People telling you where to go and how to be present?
Lady Charmaine:Afraid to make your own choices and free to be you?
Mx Zephy:Feeling just trapped?
Lady Charmaine:Us too. Join us as we turn the light out on spirituality and get comfortable with the shadows, right now with Misfit Mondays.
Mx Zephy:Mx Zephy here pronoun xe | xem and with me is Lady Charmaine pronouns she | hers. Today we ask, Who the fuck do you think you are? No, really stop waging war on yourself and others with your need to compare. Go ahead and give your inner diva a night off and take a playdate with your inner child. This episode kicks off a trilogy of episodes that asks us to fuck convention. Step back from the way things have always been done and find a new path that allows you to discover your authenticity. And today, Charmaine, you and I are going to talk about like fucking ego. So last week we had Yogi Bryan that's Bryan with a "Bry" not a"Bri". And Yogi Bryan and us chatted about can we chat? Oh, we chatted about um, can you even say fuck, and so that we're just like, yeah, we can say this. This is
Lady Charmaine:We surely fucking can.
Mx Zephy:Right. And so today is all about ego and fucking the ego. So I have a question for all you cinephiles out there, all you movie buffs. Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by a spiritual Regina George. One of her favorite phrases is you can't grow and evolve as a spiritual being until you release your ego. This phrase is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust her. She's a fugly slut and she's going in burn book. And you know, your ego is not necessarily bad. He goes kind of taking on this bit of a bad rap and this bad boy image in the spiritual community and you might be wondering, why and you know, Charmaine and I will get to that. Um, but also like, take a moment to pause to honor that a lot of people um, maybe their own spiritual teacher, teacher trying to figure out all of this and make sense of all the messages contradictory or not. And just affirm letting affirm that letting go of your ego, isn't it. Um, so what's the ego Charmaine, I think I think let's start off with you, too, you know, just telling us a little bit about the ego is,
Lady Charmaine:Ah, okay, so your ego is who you tell yourself, yourself, you are. This is made up of stories, you tell yourself. Your opinions and beliefs about who you are in this great ocean of consciousness that is the universe. Problem is, spoiler alert, you are but one drop of water in that great big ocean. And you are deeply, deeply connected and unique as fuck unique as fuck. So you're not as alone as you think, and ego is our own mental construct. So in when we get into this, it's like, ego is Who did you become to please others as a child? This plays in hugely to your ego, and what you believe of yourself and you know, how you believe in yourself. Be whether you are brought up with a certain religious background, this can play into that piece. You know it your birth order, you know, are you the strong, dominant first child? Or are you the, the pampered baby of the family? Are you the misunderstood and always forgotten middle child like these little pieces always come back into that ego play?
Mx Zephy:Oh, and the need and the middle child is also needy, too. I am that middle child, and I am so needy. And a lot of this because like the baby gets all the attention, and so does the older one. And yeah, we are kind of forgotten. But we also get really, really needy. It shows up as narcissism too. Because we want to make it all about us because well, we didn't feel like we got the attention we deserved.
Lady Charmaine:And I grew up. I'm the oldest and so I'm the leader. I'm the one who gets everybody in line and make sure things are done. But now as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that really is this construct, like I was the oldest that was like part of my responsibility. And that's who I took on as part of who I was. And really, I'm deep inside, I'm like a soft, mushy baby child, like, I want someone to cuddle me and pamper me and be like, everything's gonna be okay. And not be so tight. A plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, and have everything in order all the time. So, as I'm tearing down my own ego constructs, I'm like, Oh yeah, I guess I do want to just wrap up in a warm, fuzzy blanket and drink cocoa like I'm three. Okay.
Mx Zephy:But these are some of the good things why exactly like, I also want to talk about why this shows is bad too, because that this sounds lovely. Like, I really want to curl up on the bed right now with a nice cup of cocoa. That sounds great. Like if that's what ego is showing up as like a nice cup of cocoa, then fuck yes, I'm all for it.
Lady Charmaine:Well, I think too. Something that I'm, I've personally dealt with in, in recent months, is that when you are in a journey, whatever that journey that is, it could be a spiritual journey, it could be a journey through addiction. Whatever journey you're on, the moment you start to change, and choose yourself, people will start throwing out the term selfish and egotistical. And this has happened to me multiple times in life, at different points, whatever I was dealing with, but when I finally started to set boundaries, and start choosing myself and my own happiness, other people are so taken back by this and make it so much about them that now you are labeled as egotistical and selfish. And so I think in a lot of ways, that's how most of us see ego. It's the things people tell us not to be. Don't be so mouthy. Don't be so liberal, don't be so sarcastic, don't be, you know, you're too Oh, girls all the time, you're too bossy, you're too. too emotional. All of these things come back to what we tell ourselves that we are and we shouldn't be. And that's not the case. If you're an emotional person being emotional. I'm an emotional person, I will cry, I will yell. Now. I'm also emotionally intelligent. I do my very darndest to keep myself in a nice flow state. But I popped my top like a motherfreakin volcano, sometimes I do, it happens. It's not my prettiest time. But it happens. It's It's rough. And I don't have it all together at all.
Mx Zephy:And I think that I think the thing here like that just make that like x, the implicit explicit is it sounds like this is a lot of people telling you who you are, which is really limiting, limiting, limiting, let me get like my lisp out of the way like this is a lot of ELLs and M's just words in general. But this is literally like limiting our potential. And it and it's cutting us off from knowing who we are as a person it's cutting off from what our authentic story is, and what and how that show up and how and who we actually can be. And I think that's one of the I think that's one of the dangers of ego is, you know, when people tell us who we are, as opposed to us paying attention to who we are we cut off knowing who we really are. And I think the other piece, too, is on the other side of this is how much are we actually listening? Like, you know, maybe because our ego shows up as a survival mechanism. It's really what it is, is your ego is a survival mechanism and it keeps you alive. But I also wonder sometimes does ego get in the way and cause you to not listen to other people, you know, giving you some gentle guidance and people giving you some gentle wisdom to say, hey, maybe have you thought about maybe doing x thing in this way, as opposed to doing it the bullheaded way that you've always done it.
Lady Charmaine:I think that is very clear. And, you know, as a mother with teenagers, you know, right now there's some egos you know, I have some young humans that are you know, coming into their own power and you're stepping up to make their own decisions. And so, sometimes it's hard to, you know, you want to redirect them, or you try to give them better advice, you know, based on my own knowledge and experience, like, Hey, have you tried this? Have you tried that? Oh, no, no, no, no, they obviously know better than I do. And, and that's a, you know, that's an ego piece. And that's something that they need to work through on their own. And just as I had to work through it on my own, but it's really about you coming to a place of truly knowing, you know, this is a time for them, to try and make mistakes and, and fuck it up if they need to, because I'm still here as a safety net to help them along, if they do fuck it up. This is their time, to to, to figure out who they are and who that ego piece is, in a healthy way. I'm giving them that and, and not telling them who they are, what they need to do, or how they need to make a decision. So we'll see, hopefully, it works out for them, you know, I try to give them a little more guidance and TLC than what I received when I was their age. So, you know, I don't want them to become young adults, and feel like they have to hide, because for so many years, I I lived behind a facade of who I was in this group, and who I was in that group and who I was in that group, and nobody really saw all of me. Nobody ever saw all of who I was, nor had the information to even put those pieces together. And I didn't start living fully until my late 30s. So, you know, I, I hope that in a way, anything that I share here, anything I share with my children helps. And you know if it doesn't, well, thanks for listening anyway, folks, we appreciate you.
Mx Zephy:So actually, this is this is actually a great what you just said is really great because I pulled up Eckhart Tolle on he wrote this book called A New Earth and I love this book. But there's a great quote in there and I'm gonna read it to y'all this because it brought it brought this up to me cuz I think this is a good place because we went a little random like we usually do. So I want to make sure that we kind of like, do a little bit of a recap here.
Lady Charmaine:Reign me back in. Rein me back in.
Mx Zephy:Is that my voice? Lord that got a little high. Um, anyway, so Eckhart Tolle newerth, here's the quote, "Give up defining yourself, to yourself or to others, you won't die, you will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you. They're limiting themselves. So it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people don't be there primarily as a function or a role but as the field of conscious presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are." That's massive. I think there's two big pieces here. One is that your potential is unlimited. Like your big piece of this, like what we talked about earlier with, like this conscious awareness and the drop of then, like just being this, you know, but small breath in the big exhale, the universe. That went real deep, real quick.
Lady Charmaine:I know. Seriously, folks, if you guys could see my eyes, they're like, as big as saucers right now, like, I'm just, there's so much to unpack here suddenly, right? But, like a bag of holding, I was like, Oh, it's just a little bag. And then I stuck my hand in and I'm like, Holy fuck, there's a whole universe in there.
Mx Zephy:Well, the other piece to here is I think there's a big piece in here about liberation and what liberation looks like for you. And this is liberation, something that I do a lot, working with Black and Pink. And what does liberation look like? How do you move in a world where you feel free? How do you live in a world where you don't feel limited, where you don't feel combined? And I think this is a great, great quote to say that, you know, you are unlimited. Um, you you're this big. You're a big breath, and this exhale that is the universe. And you're just there. You're just you're just existing, you're functioning, you're moving, you're interacting, you're being, you're engaging relationships with yourself, you're engaging relationships with others. And it's always being, you know, in that present moment and making sure that that moment is the best moment you have because tomorrow's already done like yesterday's already done, tomorrow's not promised. So what do you have today? And how are you going to lead your life in a way that is going to be loving that's going to be kind of it's going to be gentle with people. That felt really deep. Like, yeah, like that, that felt a little a little out there, almost woo woo borderline?
Lady Charmaine:Oh no, I don't even feel like it was woo woo. I just feel like it was like so. I mean, it was like, hitting the nail with Thor's hammers, is what it was, it was a spot on. And it it, it hit deep, because we are so worried about how we show up or how we present ourselves. And we have this deep anxiety. I've dealt with so much anxiety in my life because of worries about how I would be perceived by other people how, you know, how I show up to something, and how that would all play out? That. And I and I've been in, you know, a corporate business role for a long time. But I remember years, I can think back now. And I'm in these groups of amazing, brilliant people. And we're having conversations at cocktail parties. And I am sitting with my napkin and whatever. And I'm like, how do I eat this properly? How do I do you know, if I chime into this conversation, how am I going to be perceived? I spent more time thinking in my own head, worrying about this and self loathing, you know, like, all this like imposter syndrome, that I wasn't enough to be there to be with these people, that I didn't even participate in the conversations. I left my beautiful light and charm outside of the conversation, because of all of the crap in my own head that was holding me back. And you know, all these ego pieces telling me like, Oh, no, no, no, you can't, you can't swear in polite company, they won't like you. You can't make slightly offhand sexual innuendos. They won't like you, people, this is who I am. If there is an innuendo, I will find an endo to put it in. That is just the way it is. But then I had all these things that held me back and told myself like, I can't do that, you know what, these people are human too. And when I started to open up, and I started to inject a little in conversation, and you make a snicker and kind of a overt remark that you know. And in the right company is fine and not the right company without consent is sexual harassment. But they were my people. You know, they got me, they understood. They liked everything that was just me without any of the, my own labels and any of my own hang ups. So, I don't know.
Mx Zephy:One I think to even like to you know, let's just drop another fucking metaphor in here. Because this is where I seem to excel, especially.
Lady Charmaine:You excel at metaphor.
Mx Zephy:Like metaphor is my thing. But in thinking along the lines of like, because in meditation, we talk about the role of the observer. And sometimes it doesn't really make a lot of sense for a lot of people. So let's let's switch this like role of the observer to thinking about like a puppet and a puppet master. And let's say that you as yourself is, let's say that you are the puppet and your ego is the puppet master. And until you gain control of the ego, and you gain control of your life, your ego is controlling you. So all those things that you feel bad about or all those things that don't really benefit you, the ego is controlling you and letting you run your life that way. And so in, you know, with dealing with like me say fuck ego, it's about you, you know, being Pinocchio cutting off those strings, and then you making that ego, your puppet. And really enhancing those, those traits that that you know, make you valuable. Those traits, um, that's that allow you to be that one piece of the breath that's in this exhale the universe, to go back to the earlier one and tie that in. But it's a lot of time to flip the script on and not letting the ego control you but controlling your ego and saying, you know, this isn't me. These are not the traits that make me feel good about myself. These are not the traits that who I really am, this is my ego telling me this is who I should be. This is my ego commanding me to act in a way that doesn't necessarily serve my highest good. So how can I flip that script, control the ego, and be like, you know, I can see that all these things are happening. I can pause I can take a moment and say, This is how I want to respond and being conscious and being aware of how you want to respond in that moment and responding in a way that's going to serve not only your highest good, but you know in the relationships around you. Because at the end of the day, this isn't even about you either. This is about you, plus others and i think that. I think. I know that got a little deep and I..
Lady Charmaine:I didn't realize that I needed waders today, like all the way up chest waders. It's getting deeper and deeper in here.
Mx Zephy:But i was trying to explain it a little easier.
Lady Charmaine:But it's all true that's the thing it's like it's it's all true that we get into these places with ego. And it is about being in control of our egos and really knowing who we are and when that, you know, when we're getting in our own way. Oh there's so much. There's so much that can go here.
Mx Zephy:Well I haven't even simpler way to do this. Um you know that song by India.Arie, I am Light?
Lady Charmaine:Yes
Mx Zephy:So literally this song is basically ego. This is about ego. This is. So in the song she talks about she is light she is light and she goes I'm not the things my family did. I am not the voices in my head I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside. I'm not the mistakes that I've mad made or any of the things that's caused me pain. I'm not the pieces of the dream I left behind. I'm not the color of my eyes. I'm not the skin on the outside. I'm not my age. I'm not my race. My soul inside is all light. I am definity, divinity defined. I'm a god on the inside. I am a star. This song is actually on one of our. I think it's on both of our Spotify playlist because I love this song so much. But I think this this goes back to that heart of ego being you know, you're not those darkness, you're not those stories that you tell yourself that you are you're actually light. Um, for me, I know that I believe that we are all like Stardust, you know, and how fucking cool is that? That we are all just star dust. That we are we are part of this cosmic ether. And that we all get to share in that. Like, and I don't and I think that the joy of this is knowing that why the fuck would you want to limit yourself to all these things that aren't that great? Why would you not want to be Stardust? Why would you not to be all these things that serve your highest good?
Lady Charmaine:I know because I love glitter and Stardust is just the upper echelon of all that glitter is
Mx Zephy:And alsoo glitter like herpes, so it just never goes away. I'm pretty sure I have glitter that just travels from apartment to apartment because it never goes away.
Lady Charmaine:And like Stardust, we just take that shit everywhere. It's so beautiful. I think that that's beautiful. I don't know if I have anything else to say on this topic, because I feel like it's just so deep. And we need to sit with that for a minute.
Mx Zephy:Well, I'm gonna do one more deep thing because this is me. So and I think this is actually a perfect way to umm to wrap this up. Um, ego tells us that we have to hide parts of ourselves because we're told that it's wrong. We're also taught that self care and self love is egotistical. And I kinda want to leave you with this quote by Audre Lorde. Because Audre Lorde is like my black femme godmother, like, she's taught me so much about just the way the world is. And so, and this is actually a really popular quote. So you can, you know, catch me or, you know, indulging myself. But speaking of which, "Caring for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation. And that is an act of political warfare." Let's add this to it. Let's add to this also and say that it's also spiritual warfare. And are we going to win the battle for our ego? Sorry, I'm done.
Lady Charmaine:My god. Catch us next week, right here, on Misfit Mondays.
Mx Zephy:I promise I'm done. I tried not to go deep. I tried. I really tried.
Lady Charmaine:Okay, wow,
Mx Zephy:We want to do a meditation to try and calm this down a little bit.
Lady Charmaine:Oh. Oh, yeah, we better calm it down. Okay, here we go.
Mx Zephy:Sorry, folks. If you're listening at home, you might want to pause this. Umm listen to this a couple times. I didn't mean to get this deep.
Lady Charmaine:Yeah, you're going to have to write Cliff's notes on the Patreon for this one. Alright, let's take all of this energy here and find a comfortable seated position. If you're able, and it's comfortable, you know, get your feet flat on the floor here. And just have your palms resting a palm side up on your thighs. So Hands on your thighs, palms side up. Let's take a nice, deep inhale here and through the nose, out to the mouth and in through the nose and out through the mouth. As we take this time here, let's really think about our feet grounding into Mother Earth. Let's do a quick scan of how we're feeling. So let's start at the top of our head. And notice if there's any tightness or tension. I really like to think about when I'm scanning energy, about the light coming through being like a warm honey, and kind of caressing along all of my mind and my forehead. This really consider this war coming down across your face allowing you to relax. Knowing your job, relax. And allow this continue to born to come down over your shoulders. notices that there's any tension that you need to let go and allow this honeyed energy to just collect that. And down through our chest. Let's be conscious of anything we hold here in our hearts. Anything that is no longer serving us, especially when it comes to our ego. Allow this honeyed energy to stick to it and pull it right along. Down through our solar plexus, in our abdomen, and down into our Sacral Chakra right here in our hips. And for anyone out there like myself who may have been a survivor of any type of abuse if you were holding on to pieces that you're allowing into your ego here. If you feel comfortable and are ready, allow this honeyed energy to collect those pieces that are not truly a part of you. down into our root chakra at the base, where we're sitting, let's just allow this energy to continue to roll over our hips and down our thighs and over our knees, our shins, our ankle. And let's allow that honey energy to just roll right into the earth through our feet taking with it. All these fragments that are no longer serving us all these bits of ego that are truly ours. Just allow Mother Earth to take that energy and to transmute it and send it back into the universe where it belongs. And then go ahead and place your hands on your heart here. As you breathe I can say I am enough I am unique. I am worthy. I am loved. Let's ask the universe to send back to us any heart fragments that we have lost along the way. Whether we gave them away by choice or by circumstance, or even unknowingly. And let's ask for clarity not only in our heart, but in our minds as we work with our own egos, so that the veil can be lifted and we can truly see who we are. That we can step into our power and purpose. When you're ready, I invite you to just flutter your eyes open and give thanks this time and to the energy in and around you and to the universe, for helping you to call back what is for you and to remove what isn't. Thank you so much for joining us.
Mx Zephy:Thank you for spending time with us on this week's Misfit Mondays. If you love what you hear, subscribe to new episodes and drop a review. Or connect with us on Patreon and Instagram. We're looking forward to catching you right here, next week. Thanks folks.