Misfit Mondays
Misfit Mondays
Check Up On It
Let's check up on the "Yes, and" of shadow work this week. In this episode, we set expectations for the journey ahead and invite in balance as we navigate our shadow work. If you're feeling overwhelmed, what will balance you? Maybe you are feeling joy. What's the balance? Find out today on Misfit Mondays!
*Content & Trigger Warning* Suicide and Suicide Ideation is discussed. Please take what you need to feel brave and safe in your space.
Lady Charmaine are you sure this Shadow Work is light work? It looks questionable to me.
Charmaine Houck:It's fine Mx Zephy.
Mx Zephy:But what about toxic light work?
Charmaine Houck:Ugghh, just grab a warm beverage and settle in.
Mx Zephy:End scene! Just misfits
Charmaine Houck:Hello beautiful misfits! Are you fed up with the good vibes only crowd?
Mx Zephy:People telling you where to go and how to be present?
Charmaine Houck:Afraid to make your own choices and free to be you?
Mx Zephy:Feeling just trapped?
Charmaine Houck:Us too. Join us as we turn the light out on spirituality and get comfortable with the shadows right now, with Misfit Mondays.
Mx Zephy:Mx Zephy here pronouns xe | xem. And my co host is Charmaine Houck, as I just learned last week, pronouns she| hers. So a few weeks ago we chatted on Yes, and saying that both shadow and light work are important. Today we'll dive a little deeper on the yes and of shadow and light work. We'll explore the differences between them and set expectations for the journey forward. Because life is not all love and light. People experience trauma, they experience hurt, they experience pain. If you've been sticking with us the last couple of weeks, both Charmaine and myself walk you a little bit through our own journeys of shadow work and how our trauma has shaped a lot of the work that we do and how we show up in spaces. And so the question then remains, how do we help you do this for yourself? And how do we help you respond to the inevitable darkness that shows up in our lives? Whew doggie? So this is gonna be a really heavy question and really heavy topic. What do you think, Charmaine? Oh,
Charmaine Houck:yeah, I suggest you buckle in for this one. And keep your feet planted on the ground at all times, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, for this one. we don't want you to get lost anywhere along the way.
Mx Zephy:But if you do, that's okay.
Charmaine Houck:And that's right, because it's a journey. It's all about the journey. And sometimes we have to go around that same pile of dung a few times, before we get onto a path that's going to lead us elsewhere. It is part of the work. And it is it's about learning, it is about truly learning about yourself on the deepest level. So if you have to go around the pile of dung a few times. Well, you either learn to like the smell of shit or you start enjoying the mushrooms that are growing along the path, right?
Mx Zephy:Or you get some Vaseline and pretend it didn't happen. That's what I did for a number of years. Is that a third option? Because this is not a binary? And that's another episode. It's binary thinking specifically around gender.
Charmaine Houck:Yeah, we have lots of good episodes coming up, that's for sure.
Mx Zephy:Oh, I'm super excited. But today is on setting expectations for light work. And I kind of want to, well not I kind of want to I want to start the conversation looking at like, the differences between the two because I know that for me, like I see both light work and Shadow Work as intentional magic. Light work is inviting in light. It's looking ahead to what can be, the new visions and new goals and pulling into the present. Like it's it's like collective aims. There's, yeah, it's personal. But the focus is more on that like collective consciousness. And it's reframing our realities in something uplifting and empowering. There's affirmations like encouragement the whole lot. And if you look at Shadow Work, it's kind of it's on the other side, it's inviting in darkness. And that that's deeply personal. It's taking that bold step forward in a courageous journey of your past and, and what was so you can make sense of what is it's getting to that point where your inner darkness is your friend and your confidant. It's transforming your darkness into someone that you can ask what triggers me? How did I get here? Why does all this shit happen to me? There's so much self reflection. I mean, if you again if you watched if not watch what is this like YouTube? What is this YouTube? It's not that this is?
Charmaine Houck:No, I don't want to have to wear a bra for this shit.This is not Youtube.
Mx Zephy:But if you've been listening, like you'll you'll see that like even in the last what three episode I think we're on episode four now, yeah, four not counting the first one. But this has been a lot of like self reflection and sitting in that shit like that cow pie that Charmaine was talking about and seeing, like, how all those norms and identities and those structures that we've built up over this lifetime, and saying, you know, does it serve me or does this not like, but we need both. Like we need both the light and the dark to kind of balance ourselves out to see that totality of things like and I think that's where I'm sitting on the differences between the two.
Charmaine Houck:I would agree that I will, I will take your intentional magic. And I am going to turn that up and I'm going to ante up on That one and call it intentional action. Whether it's light or Shadow Work. It's being intentional about your actions. And when I say intentional, it's making peace with your shadows. If it is who you are then be it. Right? If you if you sit in that shit for a while and you're like, no, I this is not who I am. But I can see the the river that runs through this. And Brad Pitt guiding me on the way of how I that's gonna be
Mx Zephy:That's gotta be a big pile of shit if you've got a river. Like just picturing like, the universe just taking a big dump on you. Like, figure it out.
Charmaine Houck:Sometimes it's no big rock candy mountain.
Mx Zephy:Oh, candy to Charlie, Charlie on the candy mountain? That's a big YouTube throwback.
Charmaine Houck:Yeah, it is.
Mx Zephy:Charlie. How do you get to Candy Mountain? Candy Mountain Charlie.
Charmaine Houck:Shadow Work isn't that sweet most of the time. But it really is. It's like you can see the the river the tributaries that brought you to this place if your shadow work. And you can intentionally let it, let it go, you know, the things that no longer have that hold on you, or you can choose to just not let them have a hold on you. Again, I say this from someone who has been working through Shadow Work for a while. So I want people to know. I understand that, if I say something, it sounds like oh, yeah, easier said than done. I get it. I get it, it's work. It is hard work. So when I when I'm off the cuff like that. Please don't think that I don't know. Because I do firmly know what it's like to sit in it. And I say that because one of my great mentors, Janice has her go to she's like, well, you need to sit in it and get comfortable in the uncomfortable honey. Like, if you don't like it, understand why you don't like it understand why it's there. And, and get with it, you you have to. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting re-stuck in it. And allowing shame and anxiety and depression to take over you on things that are, that are past traumas. And that's not helping you grow at all. You don't want to be stuck in the shit. You sit there long, just long enough to get yourself moving through it. You don't want to get stuck in it.
Mx Zephy:Right? Well moving past the allegory, that like metaphor, not allegory, why do I keep these allegory? It's not it's a metaphor. So moving past that metaphor of like sitting in the shit, like, there, there's this thing, I have this teacher from, like, seventh grade, and her phrase was like, Mrs. Beth Knight Brown, don't call me nightgown, like, really weird. But like, anyway, so one of her things was like, don't be a space cadet. Um, we had, we had, like, we had students like other students in the class with us, um, who were just kind of not with it, they just kind of went with the flow, and they kind of let things happen and kind of let life dictate what happened or they, whatever it was they weren't owning, like their power, they weren't owning who they were even as like students, they were like, well, this is just it is what it is, like, I don't know how to change this. They couldn't like figure out how to make something work for them. And I think that's the other piece too. And again, pieces. This is all like gigantic puzzle. Let's jus throw another metaphor in there This what the fourth one that w have today
Charmaine Houck:That is so funny that you say that don't be a space cadet. So in college, one of my really good friends, a co worker, his name is saying I won't get that as last name for you know, privacy reasons but saying one time I I don't I won't get into it. But his his saying of the evening was well, we can't all be astronauts, more or less saying he was brilliant. And so there are times where I walk around on the opposite side of like, I let my ego own that like well, we can't all be astronauts but I got my shit together today.
Mx Zephy:But it's also like and it's a you know, with even with owning your shit, there's gonna be moments where you're just gonna fucking loathe yourself. I think, you know, to pull a you know, Shakespeare reference up on this, like I wanted to shuffle off the mortal coil because of the shame, the guilt and the realization that they caused harm. I actually have a tattoo on my arm that is kind of along that line, the semi-colon project. Project talks about suicide where your life is in a period. It's it's this semi colon in it. And this is again, it's this thing of like pausing re centering yourself asking, like, Is there something more here? And is realizing that God, this is really fucking terrible, but also Yes, and if we want to throw back to that first episode, like, yes, and life continues to happen. But I also don't want to put it out there that it's shameful if you do take your life, I don't know if I necessarily subscribe to that, because I think there is multiple reasons that people do it. I don't, you know, being on the other side of it. Now, I don't necessarily agree with it. But also, I understand how hard and how difficult and how desperate, you can feel sitting in that and just knowing that I don't, I don't know if I can make this. And I also want to hold space for that and honor that too. Because that's, that's difficult. Um, and, you know, those are normal things like feeling this loathing feeling like feeling this depression, or the sadness, that that's normal, that's what's gonna come up during Shadow Work, it might not be as dramatic as feeling, you know, having feelings of suicidal ideation, it might not be, I don't know what your story is. But that's, again, it's, this is your story. This is how this is how you do the work of showing up as your best self is pulling through all that shit.
Charmaine Houck:Yeah, it is. So but you say that, and I'm just in my mind, Oh, my gosh, my mind today. So you're talking about, you're getting stuck in this and, and, and I've had many friends unfortunately, commit suicide. And I've attempted it in my past as well. So I'm not gonna not say that it's, it's a hard place, it's part of being stuck in that shadow and not being able to find the way to pull yourself out of it. And I mean, of anyone who has ever seen the movie, the never ending story, okay, well, I will hearken it back to the loss of a horse. And the emotions that I felt as a child seeing that very much the same way you get so sunk down in that in that mud, that you just, you literally feel hopeless, you there is no where to move. So it's, it's so hard. And it's so hard for the people who continue to live after the fact when someone has taken their life. Because there aren't answers,
Mx Zephy:right. And even then help might be on the way like it was there. And like, it may not even be enough.
Charmaine Houck:Right. And so I also honor that space that some people do get stuck. And while it's not necessarily our jobs, to recognize it, the more aware that we can be with people who are around us and understanding their energies, their quirks, their their triggers. Sometimes people don't know their own triggers, but you from an outside perspective, can see what triggers another person. And it's really being mindful of that if you have, and again, I say this, if you have the energy to do that for another work, because because it isn't our job to save others, either. It's just our job to be our best and do our best.
Mx Zephy:Right. And that's the lightwork piece of this. And I think that's it, that's the piece too is realizing that lightwork can also unpack some of this shadow work. And part of that, I think, is you know, as you're dealing with, you know, these if you're dealing with these, these negative shadow pieces, grab yourself a shadow buddy, you know, ask them for consent, and if they have space to sit through some of these difficult emotions. Because I also want to make sure that we hold space to ensure that we're not just dumping our trauma on people and saying, you know, I'm going through this today and da da da and it's a lot, it can be a lot, and we don't and I think that's again, to tie back to your awareness piece here. It's like making sure that we're aware of how other people are showing up to and whether or not, they have that space. It's something that I know that I struggle with in my daily life. And this has been something where I've just recently gotten too into the habit and recently within like last year, kind of recent of asking, do you have space today? I'm going through something. Can you help me out? And then also if they say no being okay with that and saying, and then figuring out what else you can do? I think for me, if somebody says no, it's going to exercise or grabbing a journal or meditating or doing something to get out of my head, because, like we also need to make sure that it's okay for them to say no, and we need to be able to give them permission to say no, and to not judge them for saying no because that's okay too. This is a Like, and this is why I think that with shadow and light work, they're very similar in various aspects. They're also very different. And it can be very difficult to tease out what which is which, um, but yeah, I don't know where I was going with that now I'm rambling.
Charmaine Houck:No, it really is an ebb and flow. And, and while we're working through our own shadow and light, those around us are working through their shadow and light and, and what it comes down to the base of it all, it's just like our turtle body is it's a bunch of cells and atoms bumping around into each other. To try to make it all work, right. It
Mx Zephy:Yeah, the big bang, if you will,
Charmaine Houck:the Big Bang, if you will, yeah, it's particles and all this stuff going on, and try to work work through a cohesive system a community the, to the greater communal conscience of, of the universe, and we all have to work together. So we have to give other people space, we have to give ourselves space. And again, it all comes back to balance. The scales.
Mx Zephy:I think that's actually a perfect place to end this one. One I like just to kind of recap, because I think we dumped brain dumped a lot on you. And, again, sorry, not sorry, I feel like this is kind of what Misfit Mondays is, is is working through these things and figuring these things out. You know, if you work with me on like, in my like, in my day job, like I brain dump on all my people all the time, it's just, that's what it is, is a lot of thoughts made that's bumping around all the time, I try to make them cohesive, sometimes it doesn't work. So that's why I usually use the recap pieces, because it's always a lot of things that are flying around. So big recap. Universe took a big shit on you, you have to sift through that. Get the river that runs through it. Figure out how to work through all of that, um, know that there's a difference between light work and Shadow Work. Where light work is bringing ins inviting in light, and Shadow Work is inviting in darkness, you need both because there needs to be balance. And then kind of set setting expectations and knowing that this work is difficult. This work is hard. However, there are tools, there are tips, there are tricks, there are strategies for navigating Shadow Work. And knowing also that having these difficult emotions come up is normal, feeling sad, and depressed and anxious. And all these all these things all this goop is is normal. And then lastly is being aware of not only your space, but other people's space. So knowing that these things are going to come up, and then realizing that you may have to create space for you to share or you may need to create space for somebody to share with you. And then lastly, if you can't create space or that other person can't create space, knowing that there are other alternatives. So journaling, exercise, meditation, yoga, like finding things that get you out of your head and more connected with your body. I think that wraps up everything right?
Charmaine Houck:I think so the only thing I would add there is a great tool. A great tool to have is have your pump up playlist. Have that list that when you are in a funk, it has all of your Pumped Up Kicks, hits in there, and that
Mx Zephy:Raise that vibration
Charmaine Houck:and raise that vibration dance around shake your ass twerking is actually really good for moving energy through your chakras. So take it where you want to take it.
Mx Zephy:Bam dance party big freedia up from New Orleans. Let me tell you what that is the twerk queen.
Charmaine Houck:Yeah, get after it and go for it. Like do what you need to do to come back to balance with yourself.
Mx Zephy:So well are you interested in doing a guided meditation for this one? Or do you want to close out, I want to kind of offer some options. I feel like I've been feeling well not me. I feel like we've been going through we've been sifting through a lot.
Charmaine Houck:We have been sifting through a lot. I think just a short meditation here I'm feeling a little something. So I'm just gonna invite people to, I come into a comfortable seated position, if you will, if you're comfortable, coming into a comfortable seated position. And just really Breathe in and elongate through your torso. Go ahead and roll your shoulders down and back here and you're talking about a little movements. With this. I just invite you to kind of rotate your body in a circular fashion, almost like your spine is a pole and we're just going to slowly rotate around that pole. And as we breathe in, we're going to think about Pulling energy up from the earth through our feet to the base of our body. And as we exhale, we're gonna let that energy go. And again, we're gonna inhale. If you want to add a little line Kygo muscle exercises in there, you're more than welcome. Exhale. We're going to switch directions, get that energy flowing the other way a little bit. Again, inhale, and exhale, letting go of anything that's no longer serving you right now. Inhaling, finding that connection with Mother Earth and exhaling it all out. Let's slowly come right back to center here. And as you come back to your regular breath, you know, feel into the energetic balance within your body now. Can you feel like I have my palms up right now. And I can feel energy flowing equally through my palms as a Reiki healer, energy healer. I can feel energy easily. If you're not into energy work, haven't done it before. It's okay. If you don't feel anything yet. Just really think about balance. And as you go throughout your week, let's have balance as our focus word. So as as things come to you, good or bad. That's not the terms we're using. As things come to you, how does it make you feel? And what would be the balance of that? So if something comes to you that isn't feeling real well, what can you do in your day that will balance that feeling? If you are feeling overwhelmed, what will balance that feeling if you're feeling a great amount of joy and excitability, what do you need to balance yourself? Let's focus on balance for next week. Thank you so much for spending time with us here at Misfit Mondays. We are so grateful for all of you listening and sharing in this journey for us and for yourselves.
Mx Zephy:Misfit Mondays is created by Lady Charmaine and me Mx Zephy. You can find us on social media at Misfit Mondays. Be sure to check out our Patreon for a deeper dive into this week's Shadow Work. Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you right here, next week on Misfit Mondays. Namaslay beautiful people.